Don't Break The Bed Boys
by NCISBALTOFAN
Summary: ONESHOT. McNozzo Utter Crack! Tony and McGee must go undercover as a gay couple in a hotel suite while on a case. Tony learns the men he and McGee are pretending to be are sex addicts. Gibbs owes Tony BIG TIME.


ONESHOT

**A/N: I really don't know what possessed me to write this I just did. I was high on life and tiredness last night at about midnight and this little gem popped into my head. Written under the romance tag for shits and giggles, enjoy everyone!**

Tony DiNozzo didn't think his day could get any worse, but boy was he wrong. This case of all things would surely be the death of him, if not his manhood alone.

"If this kills my chances with the ladies I'm castrating you McGeek." Tony hissed at McGee as the pair walked into the posh Hotel Fredricks, one of the classiest hotels in the whole city. Distinguished diplomats, famous actors and actresses, and everybody in between had stayed here.

And here Tony was, pretending to be a gay couple with McGee.

"Yes," Tony said to the receptionist. "We have a reservation under Matthews?"

"Ah yes," the lady at the front desk handed them their key with a smile, more of that knowing look than anything and Tony and McGee walked away with their stuff. "Enjoy your stay boys."

Tony was impersonating Richard Matthews, a well established and openly gay business man in the area known for his wheeling and dealing. He was dressed very GQ style with glasses to match that Ziva had proclaimed were "hipster".

McGee was moonlighting as Benjamin Kale, Matthews' "better half" and his boyfriend, Benjamin was a real estate from Northern New York and openly gay as well. McGee had on a green polo and slacks.

Both men were carrying matching hidden earpieces in their ears, from which they could communicate with the rest of Team Gibbs and Abby who were eagerly watching from a hidden van in the middle of the neighboring parking garage, their binoculars and heat tracking camera carefully placed upon the window of the room they had pre-rented for "Benjamin and Richard". The real Benjamin and Richard were dead, they had been killed that week by an inside agent of a crime gang that Gibbs and Co. had been tracking, but Tony and McGee had bared such a striking resemblance to the two men that Gibbs had volunteered them for the undercover case.

"Just remember to make it convincing DiNozzo," Gibbs smirked from behind the binoculars. "We're not the only ones watching you."

"Oh lucky us." Tony rolled his eyes and slid the hotel key into the room's door. McGee followed closely behind him and set down his bag on the single queen sized bed in the room.

"Oh hell no," Tony said. "Boss c'mon you can't honestly expect me to share a bed with McGeek?!"

"Convincing DiNozzo," Gibbs chuckled a little and handed the thermal camera to Ziva. "Convincing."

Tony sighed and set his things down. He pulled out the file involving the information of Benjamin and Richard and flipped through the pages. Apparently they weren't any different than other couples gay or straight except for one thing…

They were sex addicts…

"_Oh that's just great!" _Tony thought to himself before turning to McGee.

"Congrats Benny my boy," Tony had the fakest smile ever on his face as he patted McGee's shoulder. "We're sex addicts my friend!"

"No way in hell…" McGee's face was one of pure concern and also a mixture of "I'm going to puke."

"Gibbs said act like them," Tony said into McGee's ear through clenched teeth. "So we're gonna act like them yah dig?"

Tony began stripping his shirt and pants off as McGee awkwardly did the same. Tony was beginning to wonder if this was just in fact a practical joke by Gibbs to relieve some stress by laughing. Tony determined Gibbs was just being what the second B in his name was famous for…a bastard.

Once Tony and McGee had stripped down to their underwear they stared at one another. They had been in weird situations before but none quite as awkward as this. Tony eyed McGee up and down before tackling the man onto the bed and pulling the covers over them so the bad guys couldn't see what they were doing.

"Well why I am on the bottom?" McGee suddenly asked Tony's eyebrows perked up in a "are you serious" fashion.

"Because McFemale," Tony explained. "Clearly we both know who'd be the man in this fake relationship."

"And what makes you say that?!" McGee exclaimed, squirming a little to readjust himself, but mostly to get away from Tony's armpit which was in need of some serious deodorant.

"Because look at you Probie," Tony chuckled slightly. "YOU are clearly not manly."

With that Tony begun to do what appeared to McGee to be pushups over top of his body to simulate them "doing the dirty". McGee tried to move as best he could and make it look sexual, but he ended up looking like a fish out of water.

"Ok McVirgin," Tony whispered through clenched teeth in McGee's ear. "When was the last time you had sex, it's supposed to be a graceful act!"

"Well it's kinda hard when your "partner" is someone who smells like he hasn't had a shower in three days!" McGee growled, his eyebrows knitting on his forehead.

"Speak for yourself McGeek," Tony said. "That's the smell of a real man."

Tony and McGee proceeded to flop around and do pushups upon one another for a good solid thirty minutes before they were about sick of having to be that close to each other. McGee decided he'd rather defrag the entire system of NCIS's computers than have to be that close to Tony's "man smell" any longer, Tony decided he'd rather go without a date for three months.

"Time for the big finish Probie." Tony breathed heavily to make it seem more real, although in reality he was actually quite tired from doing all the pushups he'd done.

"Oh no," McGee started to complain. "No no!"

Tony then kneed McGee where it hurts most producing an almost orgasmic moan of pain from the other man. Tony called out his own fake moan for authenticity and stopped moving.

"Ah yeah Ben ah yeah!" Tony cried out, cringing with every word.

When it was all said and done the hotel room was quiet. The only thing in the proximity was two sweaty half naked guys awkwardly staring at one another in bed. Nothing gay or strange about it at all. Tony panted but then he remembered what Gibbs had said.

"_Make it convincing DiNozzo." _

"Heaven help me." Tony groaned and suddenly he kissed a shocked McGee on the lips for about ten seconds before pulling away.

NCIS – NCIS – NCIS – NCIS – NCIS – NCIS

Once the case was done, Team Gibbs had arrested the men responsible for spying on "Benjamin and Richard" and they'd been safely transported to the local police station, Team Gibbs called it quits for the day. Tony and McGee walked out of the hotel room with looks of pure awkwardness on their faces. Gibbs smirked at his two agents before patting McGee on the back as the two of them walked closer to the company cars.

"Good job DiNozzo," Gibbs smirked before laughing. "Made me hot just looking at yah."

"You owe me big time!" Tony exclaimed before he and McGee slammed the doors to the back seat on the car and sent Gibbs and Ziva into an array of colorful laughter.

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**Again I REALLY don't know why this exists guys…but it does.**


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